Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize