Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
