I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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