I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he was CRYING into my vagina
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
