So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
