Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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