Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
