she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
found the other keg... it's in the tree
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
