mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Randomize
