That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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