if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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