Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
