i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
