nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
