what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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