I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
