I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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