All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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