it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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