I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize
