She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize