Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
