Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
