The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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