shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Vodka?
Forever.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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