Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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