I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
