i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
