Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
