What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
