I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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