I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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