Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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