he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
