Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
