I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
