i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
