I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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