walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
