I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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