i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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