If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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