I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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