At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
