We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
