she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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