I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
