I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
