Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize