this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
