the condom got lost in my hair
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
