We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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