Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
