The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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