oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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