please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
