So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
