Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize
