Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
