Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
