Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
