i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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