Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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