dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Non-Jews are for practice
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
