guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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