I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
