he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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