so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
