Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
