she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
