Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
