It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
