when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize