im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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