weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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