i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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