Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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