: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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