I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
