he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
