He uses pillows to masturbate.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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