So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
