And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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