i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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