I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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