I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
