chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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