Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize