My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize