There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
