I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she looked like the before picture.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
