whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
