Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
