Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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