Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
did i walk over a car last night?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize