I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
