Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
