You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
