I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
