I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
