my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
