I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
